Solve: Turn differences into blessings.

Lesson 5

We may have very different visions for our shared gardens. One gardener may favor colorful flowers, while the other insists on tomatoes and peas. These differences may not simply disappear with a calm discussion. Each partnership will have unresolvable differences. If we choose to stay calm, listen attentively, understand our partner’s view, and use creativity, it is possible to turn difference into strengths.

Workbook 5

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

• President James E. Faust of the First Presidency taught: “Many covenants are indispensable to happiness here and hereafter. Among the most important are the marriage covenants made between husband and wife. From these covenants flow the greatest joys of life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 19; or Ensign, May 1998, 17).

• Elder Boyd K. Packer said that “romance, love, marriage, and parenthood” are “the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 28; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 21).

• Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed: “The sweet companionship of eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has granted to His children. Certainly, the many years I have shared with my beautiful companion have brought me the deepest joys of my life. From the beginning of time, marital companionship of husband and wife has been fundamental to our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness. Our lives are touched for good, and we are both edified and ennobled as we savor the sweet blessings of association with dear members of the family” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 42; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 32).

• In his first address to the general Church membership as President of the Church, President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “To my beloved wife of fifty-eight years later this month, I express appreciation. … How grateful I am for this precious woman who has walked at my side through sunshine and storm. We do not stand as tall as we once did. But there has been no shrinkage in our love one for another” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 93; or Ensign, May 1995, 70).

Love, Like Rain

Recently I read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. In the book Mitch Albom writes about love;

"Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking love. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to it's roots, keeping itself alive."

Grow: Expand Your Strengths

Lesson Two

The health of the garden is rooted in the health of the individual gardeners. If we do not nurture our personal strengths and abilities – or if we fail to manage our personal weaknesses – we will not be well prepared to take on our gardening tasks. The most successful gardeners know that they must invest time in reflection, learning and improvement. They then have more strengths to bring to the garden and to their gardening partnerships.

Workbook 2

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

The Simple Truth

“The simple truth,” says Gottman, “is that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship… Friendship is the foundation of the love.”

To read the full article go to the following link
http://www.upperbay.org/building_strong_relationships.htm

Finding Time

In his book, Take Back Your Marriage, Dr. William J. Doherty states that "many of us, especially when we are raising children and have busy jobs, live our marriages with a chronic sense of deficit about the time we spend together as a couple," and that "competitors for our daily time are far more assertive than we are about our marriage" (p. 61).

Coping With These Demands

With this multitude of demands, how can couples cope with the variety of time demands they face and still find time to spend with their spouse?

• Communication is very important. Couples should not assume that their spouse will understand the reason they are not spending time with them. Talk about the reasons. Feelings about not being able to spend time together need to be shared. Even when it is impossible to change the circumstances, it helps to know why and understand how each partner feels.
• Schedule time to be together. For some, it may be necessary to pencil in "dates" with their spouse. Others may find it offensive to treat their marriage with such formality and wish to be more spontaneous, choosing instead to spend time together when the time is right. No matter which alternative is chosen, it is important for couples to spend time with their partner doing something that is enjoyable to them both.
• Establish marriage rituals—everyday activities that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. Examples of marriage rituals are a cup of tea after the children go to bed, a morning walk before the children get up, or a hug and a kiss upon returning from work.
• It may be helpful for couples to take time to purposefully look at the variety of commitments they have. They also need to look at what is truly important to them and spend their time on the things that are the most important.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to a request that takes time. When a person says "no" to one commitment, it means there is more time for something else.

For further information on this article
http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS02.html

Benefits of Couple Prayer (LDS Perspective)

Couples are blessed when they regularly pray together. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley (1971) taught:

I know of no single practice that will have a more salutary effect upon your lives than the practice of kneeling together as you begin and close each day. Somehow the little storms that seem to afflict every marriage are dissipated when, kneeling before the Lord, you thank him for one another, in the presence of one another, and then together invoke his blessings upon your lives, your home, your loved ones, and your dreams.

God then will be your partner, and your daily conversations with him will bring peace into your hearts and a joy into your lives that can come from no other source. Your companionship will sweeten through the years; your love will strengthen. Your appreciation for one another will grow. (p. 72)

Couples facing challenges in their relationship may be reluctant to take their difficulties to the Lord together in prayer. Yet research shows that couples who pray are more inclined to have their feelings softened, and receive help in dealing with conflicts that emerge as part of being married together. President Thomas S. Monson (1988) recommends to married couples the counsel he and his wife Frances received from their temple sealer, Benjamin Bowring:

May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another. (p. 70)

Similar sentiments are echoed in the words of Elder David B. Haight (1984):

If, as husband and wife, you are having serious misunderstandings or if you feel some strain or tension building up in your marriage, you should humbly get on your knees together and ask God our Father, with a sincere heart and real intent, to lift the darkness that is over your relationship, that you may receive the needed light, see your errors, repent of your wrongs, forgive each other, and receive each unto yourselves as you did in the beginning. I solemnly assure you that God lives and will answer your humble pleas. (p. 14)

For more information about this article please visit the following web site

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefits_couple_prayer.aspx?&publication=lds

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Marriage may not be as easy as you thought but, those who put effort into their marriage will be rewarded with longevity, satisfaction, and growth with the one you love.

Being the best partner possible is not always easy. At times it's not fair. At times it hurts; it can be lonely. It involves choosing to love your partner whether he or she deserves it or not. It involves continuing the initial vows you made when you began your marriage.

Here are little ways you can strengthen your marriage:

• Start each day with a kiss. Decide to begin the day with love.
• Wear your wedding ring at all times. Let it be a visual reminder of your commitment.
• Go on a date with your spouse once a week. Even if it's just for coffee, dedicate time for the two of you.
• Accept differences. Try to remember that once you thought your spouse's idiosyncrasies were cute. Your chances of changing them are slim, so decide to live with them.
• Be polite. Are you more polite to co-workers or store clerks than you are to the one you love? Practice good manners at home.
• Be gentle. Harsh words and actions have no place in your home. Choose to be kind to those you love and who love you.
• Give gifts. While diamonds are a girl's best friend, a card, a single rose, a favorite candy bar can also do the trick.
• Smile often. Put on a happy face and let it determine your disposition. Remember how meaningful the glances were which you once gave each other.
• Touch. A pat on the back or a soft caress of the cheek can show love and connection.
• Talk about dreams. Get your conversation beyond coordinating schedules and talking about the kids. Take time to talk about ideas and dreams.
• Give back rubs. Another day you'll be on the receiving end.
• Laugh together. Find something daily to share a laugh about. Life is complete with laughter.
• Do what your spouse wants before being asked. Anticipate your spouse's needs and jump right in to help. Put his or her needs before your own comfort.
• Listen. You don't have to solve problems, just be an active listener. Turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, and give your spouse your full attention.
• Encourage. The best way to give support is to encourage your spouse to do his or her best, to feel confident, or accomplish great things.
• Call your spouse. Check in with each other throughout the day - just to say Hi or I love you.
• Hold hands. Take a walk or watch TV while holding hands.
• Look your best. Comfort doesn't have to be socks and a T-shirt for bed every night.
• Apologize. Almost as good as I love you is I'm sorry, forgive me. Marriage isn't a game where you keep score. It's not important who's right.
• Ask, What can I do to make you happier? You may be surprised at how simple it is to please your spouse.
• Reminisce about your favorite times together. Talk about special times you shared, and create new times together.
• Pray for your spouse daily. Don't let a day go by without praying for your marriage, your spouse, and your family.
• Watch sunsets together. Find the beauty in life and share it.
• End each day with a hug. Decide to end the day with love.

To read more about this article go to the following web site
http://www.hbwm.com/MomsAssistant/24waysto.htm