Golden Nugget

When you invest time on some one, that person tends to want to invest their time with you.

You’re married to your best friend why not make them feel like that. Make your spouse feel special, cared for and admired. In return you will get the same.

Benefits of Couple Prayer (LDS Perspective)

Couples are blessed when they regularly pray together. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley (1971) taught:

I know of no single practice that will have a more salutary effect upon your lives than the practice of kneeling together as you begin and close each day. Somehow the little storms that seem to afflict every marriage are dissipated when, kneeling before the Lord, you thank him for one another, in the presence of one another, and then together invoke his blessings upon your lives, your home, your loved ones, and your dreams.

God then will be your partner, and your daily conversations with him will bring peace into your hearts and a joy into your lives that can come from no other source. Your companionship will sweeten through the years; your love will strengthen. Your appreciation for one another will grow. (p. 72)

Couples facing challenges in their relationship may be reluctant to take their difficulties to the Lord together in prayer. Yet research shows that couples who pray are more inclined to have their feelings softened, and receive help in dealing with conflicts that emerge as part of being married together. President Thomas S. Monson (1988) recommends to married couples the counsel he and his wife Frances received from their temple sealer, Benjamin Bowring:

May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another. (p. 70)

Similar sentiments are echoed in the words of Elder David B. Haight (1984):

If, as husband and wife, you are having serious misunderstandings or if you feel some strain or tension building up in your marriage, you should humbly get on your knees together and ask God our Father, with a sincere heart and real intent, to lift the darkness that is over your relationship, that you may receive the needed light, see your errors, repent of your wrongs, forgive each other, and receive each unto yourselves as you did in the beginning. I solemnly assure you that God lives and will answer your humble pleas. (p. 14)

For more information about this article please visit the following web site

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefits_couple_prayer.aspx?&publication=lds

Remain Good Friends

Many people say that having a friendship with their spouse is an important goal of their marriage. Life usually becomes more complicated as marriage progresses. If a marital relationship is not built upon a solid foundation of friendship, it may become more difficult for partners to stay connected over time. It is also easy for spouses to become less polite and respectful to each other as time passes because they feel more comfortable with each other. However, spouses who remain good friends throughout life usually find much more enjoyment and satisfaction in their relationship.

There are many things spouses can do to keep their friendship alive

• Set aside a specific time each day to talk and reconnect. In some marriages, spouses stop confiding in each other and stop having stimulating discussions, only to later discover that they do not know each other very well anymore. All people change over time, and partners need to continue to learn about each other's thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
•  Another way to maintain friendship in marriage is to have weekly "dates." Dates allow spouses to spend time along together, which can be especially important if they have children. Partners can also build friendship by trying to avoid conflict during "couple times," making the time spent together more enjoyable and memorable.

For more information on this article go to the following web site

http://extension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6610.htm#characteristics

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Marriage may not be as easy as you thought but, those who put effort into their marriage will be rewarded with longevity, satisfaction, and growth with the one you love.

Being the best partner possible is not always easy. At times it's not fair. At times it hurts; it can be lonely. It involves choosing to love your partner whether he or she deserves it or not. It involves continuing the initial vows you made when you began your marriage.

Here are little ways you can strengthen your marriage:

• Start each day with a kiss. Decide to begin the day with love.
• Wear your wedding ring at all times. Let it be a visual reminder of your commitment.
• Go on a date with your spouse once a week. Even if it's just for coffee, dedicate time for the two of you.
• Accept differences. Try to remember that once you thought your spouse's idiosyncrasies were cute. Your chances of changing them are slim, so decide to live with them.
• Be polite. Are you more polite to co-workers or store clerks than you are to the one you love? Practice good manners at home.
• Be gentle. Harsh words and actions have no place in your home. Choose to be kind to those you love and who love you.
• Give gifts. While diamonds are a girl's best friend, a card, a single rose, a favorite candy bar can also do the trick.
• Smile often. Put on a happy face and let it determine your disposition. Remember how meaningful the glances were which you once gave each other.
• Touch. A pat on the back or a soft caress of the cheek can show love and connection.
• Talk about dreams. Get your conversation beyond coordinating schedules and talking about the kids. Take time to talk about ideas and dreams.
• Give back rubs. Another day you'll be on the receiving end.
• Laugh together. Find something daily to share a laugh about. Life is complete with laughter.
• Do what your spouse wants before being asked. Anticipate your spouse's needs and jump right in to help. Put his or her needs before your own comfort.
• Listen. You don't have to solve problems, just be an active listener. Turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, and give your spouse your full attention.
• Encourage. The best way to give support is to encourage your spouse to do his or her best, to feel confident, or accomplish great things.
• Call your spouse. Check in with each other throughout the day - just to say Hi or I love you.
• Hold hands. Take a walk or watch TV while holding hands.
• Look your best. Comfort doesn't have to be socks and a T-shirt for bed every night.
• Apologize. Almost as good as I love you is I'm sorry, forgive me. Marriage isn't a game where you keep score. It's not important who's right.
• Ask, What can I do to make you happier? You may be surprised at how simple it is to please your spouse.
• Reminisce about your favorite times together. Talk about special times you shared, and create new times together.
• Pray for your spouse daily. Don't let a day go by without praying for your marriage, your spouse, and your family.
• Watch sunsets together. Find the beauty in life and share it.
• End each day with a hug. Decide to end the day with love.

To read more about this article go to the following web site
http://www.hbwm.com/MomsAssistant/24waysto.htm

Date Nights

This article was taken from; Ensign (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints publication), April 1991, 57 "Date Night--at Home," by Emily C. Orgill

We don’t have to go out or spend a lot of money to have fun and build memories.

My husband and I, with our two toddlers and small baby, lived in a university ward. Often, our leaders stressed the importance of weekly dates for Mom and Dad alone. As students on a limited budget, however, we couldn’t afford a date, not to mention a baby-sitter. We decided we would have to wait to apply the counsel when we could afford to do so.

One wise leader changed our minds. He convinced us that weekly dates are vital to a young couple’s marriage. Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relax and take a break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve of love. Filled with memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help them through difficult times of stress, disagreement, and trial.

My husband and I finally determined to follow this leader’s counsel, even though most of our dates would need to be the stay-at-home type. Alternating the responsibility of planning the dates, we scheduled these evenings on the calendar just as we would any important meeting. We tucked the kids into bed a little early on the night of our date, then began to build our reserve of love.

Check out my blog Ideas for Dates

Benefits of Couple Prayer

For more information about this article please visit the following web site
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefits_couple_prayer.aspx?&publication=short

Prayer can be defined as a two-way personal communication between an individual or couple and God. It is a vibrant, vital link with a Supreme Being that gives meaning to a person's life. Prayer allows individuals, couples, and families to come closer to God through healing. Prayer can be meditative (silent), colloquial (asking for abstract things like guidance or forgiveness), petitioner (asking for materialistic things), or ritual (memorized or read from a book). While it can be all of these things, it can also enrich the quality of marriage and family life. In fact, The Family: A Proclamation to the World (http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,FF.html) identifies prayer as an important element in successful marriages and families.

Recently, couple prayer has been the topic of increasing research. Many married couples who have relied on prayer in addressing marital problems report that using prayer within a marriage tends to increase their level of satisfaction within the marriage. Other couples report that prayer left a constant impression upon their thoughts and actions throughout the day, making their interaction more positive. Participation in religious activities, including prayer, decreases marital conflict, verbal aggression, and stalemate strategies when resolving conflicts.

Research is thus discovering what people of faith everywhere have known for some time: married couples receive strength from prayer. But how does prayer strengthen marriages? According to research, prayer has the following effects on marriage relationships:

• Couples draw closer to God. Once a person understands his or her relationship with God, prayer becomes natural. Many people view God as a loving figure who is there to help them succeed. He is often seen as a source of help and answers. Due to this relationship, people trust in Him and allow Him to enter their marriage. Thus, He becomes an integral part of their marriage. When this relationship is established, couples are able to see themselves, and each other, in a different light. God is their divine standard. Through prayer, they can gauge their behavior to see if they are acting like Him.

• Angry feelings are softened. As couples draw nearer to God and decide to pray, feelings are softened. Many spouses report they don't want to pray when they are angry because anger is not compatible with God's desires. In fact, they often claim it is impossible to pray while holding onto bad feelings. Prayer, or the decision to pray, has a calming effect. It soothes emotions and helps angry partners treat their spouse differently.

• Relationships are remembered. Something interesting happens when couples pray. They start to forget about their own feelings and start to think more about the other person. People usually think of themselves when fighting because they want to be heard. Prayer, however, helps them remember their relationship as a couple. Once those angry feelings are softened, a person can begin to understand his or her spouse. This happens because they stop focusing on what their spouse needs to change and start thinking about how they can change. Fewer stalemate strategies are used, and they no longer insist on being right. Instead, they want what is best for the relationship. The more often you pray, the more likely you are to treat others like you would like to be treated.

• Instructions are received. When couples use prayer to solve conflict they do not receive complete answers. Instead, they experience step-by-step coaching that tells them what to say or do to improve their situation. Thus, they receive the necessary help, but the problem is not removed. Rather than making everything better, prayer leaves the couple with the responsibility to create their own solution.

• Health benefits follow. Some studies have shown that prayer, and prayer offered in others' behalf, helps people relax, increases their brain activity, and improves heartbeat rate. In short, prayer promotes health. Some studies show that those who have received prayers in their behalf recovered faster when compared to others who didn't receive such help.

To take advantage of the many benefits of couple prayer, couples are wise to make praying together a daily tradition. At the beginning and close of each day, kneel together in prayer to God, thanking Him for your marriage and each other, and asking Him to pour down His blessings on your union. In addition to the witness of research, many couples testify to the effect heartfelt prayer can have in making their marriages heavenly.

Written by Andrew S. Brimhall, Graduate Research Assistant. Edited by Mark Butler, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy, and Stephen F. Duncan, Ph.D., Professor of Family Life, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

How do you know if you have a happy marriage?

My husband and I were married July 19, 2009. We love each other dearly and are always trying to make our marriage great for each other. So we enrolled in a marriage class January 2009. The class uses LDS curriculm. There are a number of married couples that have also joined the class. We all have joined the class for various reasons. Our purpose was that we are newly webs and we wanted to be the best husband and wife to each other that we can be. The class is lead by a wonderful older missionary couple. They have been married for 50 years. They have had a good marriage and you can tell by the way they talk during class and out of class.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the class and one of the participants asked a very profound question. How do you know if you have a happy marriage?

I found a very good article that addresses this question that was put out by Missouri University. What follows is an excerpt from the article. Below the article is the link to the entire article.

Characteristics of Happy and Satisfying Marriages

Positivity

There are many ways to foster positivity in a marriage. Being affectionate, truly listening to each other, taking joy in each other's achievements and being playful are just a few examples of positive interactions that help make marriages successful.

Empathy

Husbands and wives are more content in their relationships when they perceive that their spouses truly understand their thoughts and feelings.

Commitment

When two people are truly dedicated to making their marriage work, despite the unavoidable challenges and obstacles that come, they are much more likely to have a relationship that lasts….when spouses are committed to investing in their marriage and are willing to sacrifice some of their own preferences for the good of the relationship, they usually have high-quality marriages.

Acceptance

When people feel that their spouses truly accept them for who they are, they are usually more secure and confident in their relationships.

Love and respect

It is vital that husbands and wives continue to cultivate love and respect for each other throughout their lives. If they do, it is highly likely that their relationships will remain happy and satisfying.

For more information on this article go to the following web site

http://extension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6610.htm#characteristics