Dating

Don't forget to continue to date your spouse after you are married. Go to my blog for different ideas for dates.

How is your Account?

How you talk to your partner, and how he or she talks to you, reveals a lot about your relationship. Positive comments help to keep relationships alive while negative comments spell trouble.

The more negative comments between partners in a relationship, the greater the threat to the relationship. Gottman uses the analogy of banking and finances. He views any positive comment between partners as a deposit in the bank and any negative comment as a withdrawal. Positive comments help to build your funds and provide security. Ongoing negative comments create a constant draw on your account. No relationship can continue very long on deficit financing.

To read the entire article go to the following link: http://www.upperbay.org/building_strong_relationships.htm

Building Reservoirs

I believe there is nothing more important than your relationships with your family in this life. The more you value something/some one the more time you will spend with it/them. So if you value your family show them by spending time with them. Build a reservoir of memories for them and you. Give your family a legacy---spend the weekend with them doing something they like to do. Plan family vacations, take trips, go to the park, take walks...just spend time with them.

The Women in Our Lives

Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Women in Our Lives,” Ensign, Nov 2004, 82–85

My brethren and sisters, at the outset, if you will bear with me, I wish to exercise a personal privilege. Six months ago, at the close of our conference, I stated that my beloved companion of 67 years was seriously ill. She passed away two days later. It was April 6, a significant day to all of us of this Church. I wish to thank publicly the dedicated doctors and wonderful nurses who attended her during her final illness.

My children and I were at her bedside as she slipped peacefully into eternity. As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.

Immediately following her passing there was a tremendous outpouring of love from across the world. Great quantities of beautiful floral offerings were sent. Large contributions were made in her name to the Perpetual Education Fund and her academic chair at Brigham Young University. There were literally hundreds of letters. We have boxes filled with them from many we know and from very many we do not know. They all express admiration for her and sympathy and love for us whom she left behind.

We regret that we have been unable to respond individually to these many expressions. So I now take this occasion to thank you every one for your great kindness toward us. Thank you so very, very much, and please excuse our failure to reply. The task was beyond our capacity, but your expressions have shed an aura of comfort in our time of grief.

I am grateful to be able to say that in our long life together I cannot remember a serious quarrel. Small differences occasionally, yes, but nothing of a serious nature. I believe our marriage has been as idyllic as anyone’s could possibly be.

I recognize that many of you are similarly blessed, and I compliment you most warmly, for when all is said and done there is no association richer than the companionship of husband and wife, and nothing more portentous for good or evil than the unending consequences of marriage.

I see those consequences constantly. I see both beauty and tragedy. And so I have chosen to say a few words today on the women in our lives.

I begin with the Creation of the world.

We read in the book of Genesis and in the book of Moses of that great, singular, and remarkable undertaking. The Almighty was the architect of that creation. Under His direction it was executed by His Beloved Son, the Great Jehovah, who was assisted by Michael, the archangel.

There came first the forming of heaven and earth, to be followed by the separation of the light from the darkness. The waters were removed from the land. Then came vegetation, followed by the animals. There followed the crowning creation of man. Genesis records that “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31).

But the process was not complete.

“For Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman” (Gen. 2:20–23).

And so Eve became God’s final creation, the grand summation of all of the marvelous work that had gone before.

Notwithstanding this preeminence given the creation of woman, she has so frequently through the ages been relegated to a secondary position. She has been put down. She has been denigrated. She has been enslaved. She has been abused. And yet some few of the greatest characters of scripture have been women of integrity, accomplishment, and faith.

We have Esther, Naomi, and Ruth of the Old Testament. We have Sariah of the Book of Mormon. We have Mary, the very mother of the Redeemer of the world. We have her as the chosen of God, described by Nephi as “a virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins” (1 Ne. 11:15).

She it was who carried the child Jesus into Egypt to save His life from the wrath of Herod. She it was who nurtured Him in His boyhood and young manhood. She stood before Him when His pain-wracked body hung upon the cross on Calvary’s hill. In His suffering He said to her, “Woman, behold thy son!” And to His disciple in a plea that he care for her, He said, “Behold thy mother!” (John 19:26–27).

Crossing through His life we have Mary and Martha, and Mary of Magdala. She it was who came to the tomb that first Easter morning. And to her, a woman, He first appeared as the resurrected Lord. Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?

In His grand design, when God first created man, He created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11).

There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other.

I recognize that we have many wonderful women among us who do not have the opportunity of marriage. But they, too, make such a tremendous contribution. They serve the Church faithfully and ably. They teach in the organizations. They stand as officers.

I witnessed a very interesting thing the other day. The General Authorities were in a meeting, and the presidency of the Relief Society were there with us. These able women stood in our council room and shared with us principles of welfare and of helping those who are in distress. Our stature as officers of this Church was not diminished by what they did. Our capacities to serve were increased.

There are some men who, in a spirit of arrogance, think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. When they assert their superiority they demean her. It has been said, “Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself” (Alexander Walker, in Elbert Hubbard’s Scrap Book [1923], 204).

How very true that is. We see the bitter fruit of that degradation all about us. Divorce is one of its results. This evil runs rampant through our society. It is the outcome of disrespect for one’s marriage partner. It manifests itself in neglect, in criticism, in abuse, in abandonment. We in the Church are not immune from it.

Jesus declared, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).

The word man is used in the generic sense, but the fact is that it is predominantly men who bring about the conditions that lead to divorce.

After dealing with hundreds of divorce situations through the years, I am satisfied that the application of a single practice would do more than all else to solve this grievous problem.

If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.

There was a popular song we sang many years ago, the lyrics of which said:

I want to be happy,
But I won’t be happy
Till I make you happy, too.
(Irving Caesar, “I Want to Be Happy” [1924])

How true this is.

Every woman is a daughter of God. You cannot offend her without offending Him. I plead with the men of this Church to look for and nurture the divinity that lies within their companions. To the degree that happens, there will be harmony, peace, enrichment of family life, nurturing love.

Well did President McKay remind us that “no other success [in life] can compensate for failure in the home” (quoted from J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization [1924], 42; in Conference Report, Apr. 1935, 116).

Likewise, the truth of which President Lee reminded us: “The [greatest] work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home” (“Maintain Your Place as a Woman,” Ensign, Feb. 1972, 51).

The cure for most marital troubles does not lie in divorce. It lies in repentance and forgiveness, in expressions of kindness and concern. It is to be found in application of the Golden Rule.

It is a scene of great beauty when a young man and a young woman join hands at the altar in a covenant before God that they will honor and love one another. Then how dismal the picture when a few months later, or a few years later, there are offensive remarks, mean and cutting words, raised voices, bitter accusations.

It need not be, my dear brothers and sisters. We can rise above these mean and beggarly elements in our lives (see Gal. 4:9). We can look for and recognize the divine nature in one another, which comes to us as children of our Father in Heaven. We can live together in the God-given pattern of marriage in accomplishing that of which we are capable if we will exercise discipline of self and refrain from trying to discipline our companion.

The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, “You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”

I once knew a man who has since passed on but who insisted on making all of the decisions for his wife and children. They could not buy a pair of shoes without him. They could not take a piano lesson. They could not serve in the Church without his consent. I have since witnessed the outcome of that attitude, and that outcome is not good.

My father never hesitated to compliment my mother. We children knew that he loved her because of the way he treated her. He deferred to her. And I shall ever be profoundly grateful for his example. Many of you have been blessed likewise.

Now I might go on but it is not necessary. I wish only to give emphasis to the great, salient truth that we are all children of God, both sons and daughters, brothers and sisters.

As a father, do I love my daughters less than I love my sons? No. If I am guilty of any imbalance, it is in favor of my girls. I have said that when a man gets old he had better have daughters about him. They are so kind and good and thoughtful. I think I can say that my sons are able and wise. My daughters are clever and kind. And “my cup runneth over” (Ps. 23:5) because of this.

Women are such a necessary part of the plan of happiness which our Heavenly Father has outlined for us. That plan cannot operate without them.

Brethren, there is too much of unhappiness in the world. There is too much of misery and heartache and heartbreak. There are too many tears shed by grieving wives and daughters. There is too much negligence and abuse and unkindness.

God has given us the priesthood, and that priesthood cannot be exercised, “only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile” (D&C 121:41–42).

How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives. God bless them. May His great love distill upon them and crown them with luster and beauty, grace and faith. And may His Spirit distill upon us as men and lead us ever to hold them in respect, in gratitude, giving encouragement, strength, nurture, and love, which is the very essence of the gospel of our Redeemer and Lord. For this I humbly pray, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Women in Our Lives,” Ensign, Nov 2004, 82–85

Equal Partnership

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
“Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (“I Believe,” Ensign, Aug. 1992, 6).

What are some things husbands and wives do when they value each other as equal partners?
Here are some ways;

a. They share responsibility for ensuring that the family prays together, conducts family home evening, and studies the scriptures together.

b. They work together in planning how family finances are used.

c. They consult together and come to agreement on household rules and how to discipline children. The children see that their parents are unified in such decisions.

d. They plan family activities together.

e. They both help with housekeeping responsibilities.

f. They attend church together.

Elder Richard G. Scott:
“In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. … For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74).

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://tinyurl.com/cv82hn

Serve: Give back to your community

Lesson 6

When our gardens are productive, it’s good to share the fruits of our labor with others. Just as you might share your tomatoes and zucchini with neighbors or gather a bouquet to cheer up a friend, so too should you work as a couple to contribute to your community. Our marriages are strengthened by serving one another and those around us. Sharing our time and resources can make our world blossom.

Workbook 6

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

"37 Easy Ways to Say 'I Love You'

1. Make their lunch to take to work.
2. Leave a note on their pillow with a sweet message.
3. Take on one of their household chores for a week and don’t even mention it.
4. Give them a footrub. (If their feet are funky, soak a towel in water, microwave it to heat it up, and use it to rub them tootsies. Wonderful for them, less gross for you.)
5. Pick up their favorite indulgence at the grocery store. (Mmmm… bacon…)
6. Wear a nice outfit just for them.
7. Light a candle at dinnertime.
8. Automatically choose a movie your partner would enjoy for a night.
9. Make their coffee in the morning.
10. Leave a post-it note on their steering wheel.
11. Sincerely compliment your partner the next time you have a nice thought about them.
12. Put together a mini photo album or slideshow of pictures of you together.
13. Put on a favorite song and share a dance. It’s amazing how much closer that 3 or 4 minutes can bring you.
14. Turn down their side of the bed.
15. Offer a hand massage.
16. Tell a friend how much you love your partner.
17. Try their hobby for a day. (Fore!)
18. Gentlemen, open her car door. Ladies, open their door from the inside.
19. Make “I love you” the last words you say to each other before drifting off.
20. Put on their favorite cologne or perfume even if you’re just sitting around the house together.
21. Hold their hand during a movie.
22. Let them tell you about their day and their dreams, and really listen.
23. Make a “Songs That Remind Me of You” playlist on their mp3 player.
24. Towel off their hair after a shower.
25. Feed them the first bite of dinner.
26. Have a chilled glass of wine waiting at the end of a long day.
27. IM just to say “hi” on your lunch break.
28. Tell a joke and make your partner laugh.
29. Put more covers back on their side.
30. Ask their opinion.
31. Ask questions before jumping to conclusions.
32. Trust their judgement.
33. Send a handwritten love note in the mail.
34. Arrange for your partner to have a night out with their best friend.
35. Keep their secrets.
36. Call when you’re going to be late.
37. Fix the toilet that won’t stop running. (Wait, maybe that’s just me…)

Remember that loving someone isn’t just a feeling, it’s a series of actions. What other ways do you show love to the folks in your life?

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.onsimplicity.net/2009/03/37-easy-ways-to-say-i-love-you/

Advice from happily married wives

I read an article the other day, "The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got" Nine women spill the secret words of wisdom that keep their relationship blissful.

#1. Polite Fight

"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

#2. Fit to a Tee

"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

#3. Tabletop Trick

"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

#4. Boob-Tube Brilliance

"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

#5. Pop the Question

"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

#6. Nix the Nit-Picking

"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

#7. Space Smarts

"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

#8. Agree to Disagree

"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

#9. Comic Relief

"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

To read the entire article please go to the following link
http://tinyurl.com/d8hu3a

Solve: Turn differences into blessings.

Lesson 5

We may have very different visions for our shared gardens. One gardener may favor colorful flowers, while the other insists on tomatoes and peas. These differences may not simply disappear with a calm discussion. Each partnership will have unresolvable differences. If we choose to stay calm, listen attentively, understand our partner’s view, and use creativity, it is possible to turn difference into strengths.

Workbook 5

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Understand: Cultivate compassion for your partner

Lesson 4

Gardening can be both rewarding and challenging. At times each of us will get sunburned, poked by thorns, and bitten by bugs. During these difficult and painful times, we can be gardening partners who compassionately respond to each other’s pains rather than scold our partner for not using sunscreen or being more careful. We can be gardeners in whose gentle hands our partners heal and grow strong.

Workbook 4

To read this entire article go to the following link http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

• President James E. Faust of the First Presidency taught: “Many covenants are indispensable to happiness here and hereafter. Among the most important are the marriage covenants made between husband and wife. From these covenants flow the greatest joys of life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 19; or Ensign, May 1998, 17).

• Elder Boyd K. Packer said that “romance, love, marriage, and parenthood” are “the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 28; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 21).

• Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed: “The sweet companionship of eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has granted to His children. Certainly, the many years I have shared with my beautiful companion have brought me the deepest joys of my life. From the beginning of time, marital companionship of husband and wife has been fundamental to our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness. Our lives are touched for good, and we are both edified and ennobled as we savor the sweet blessings of association with dear members of the family” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 42; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 32).

• In his first address to the general Church membership as President of the Church, President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “To my beloved wife of fifty-eight years later this month, I express appreciation. … How grateful I am for this precious woman who has walked at my side through sunshine and storm. We do not stand as tall as we once did. But there has been no shrinkage in our love one for another” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 93; or Ensign, May 1995, 70).

Nurture: Do the work of loving.

Lesson 3

Marriage can grow from a handful of seeds to a garden filled with colorful, radiant life. But this won’t happen by accident. It will require careful attention to the well-being of the plants. We may need to increase the light of encouragement, the fertilizer of time spent together, and the water of kindness. We needs to weed our destructive thoughts and actions while encouraging healthy growth. Steady investments in the relationship will assure a bountiful harvest.

Workbook 3

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Love, Like Rain

Recently I read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. In the book Mitch Albom writes about love;

"Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking love. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to it's roots, keeping itself alive."

Grow: Expand Your Strengths

Lesson Two

The health of the garden is rooted in the health of the individual gardeners. If we do not nurture our personal strengths and abilities – or if we fail to manage our personal weaknesses – we will not be well prepared to take on our gardening tasks. The most successful gardeners know that they must invest time in reflection, learning and improvement. They then have more strengths to bring to the garden and to their gardening partnerships.

Workbook 2

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Family Life The Marriage Garden--Lesson One

Lesson One

Cultivating a good marriage is like two people growing a healthy garden. To achieve a full and satisfying harvest, the gardeners must work in harmony with one another, using the right tools, gardening wisdom, and a willing spirit. The gardening process teaches us vital – and sometimes painful – lessons about life. The struggle is worth it: both good marriages and healthy gardens can enrich and delight us. But neither happens by chance. Let’s break ground!

Commit: Make and honor promises.
We start our gardens with great visions and bold enthusiasm. But, weeds, bad weather, pests, and distractions threaten our hopes and dreams. It takes more than initial enthusiasm to get from a vision of possibilities to a healthy reality. It takes steady commitment and effort. If we are unwilling to deal with problems and differences, we will never enjoy a bountiful harvest. Each of us can commit regular time and energy to caring for our garden.

Workbook 1


To read the entire article go to the following site
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

The Simple Truth

“The simple truth,” says Gottman, “is that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship… Friendship is the foundation of the love.”

To read the full article go to the following link
http://www.upperbay.org/building_strong_relationships.htm

Finding Time

In his book, Take Back Your Marriage, Dr. William J. Doherty states that "many of us, especially when we are raising children and have busy jobs, live our marriages with a chronic sense of deficit about the time we spend together as a couple," and that "competitors for our daily time are far more assertive than we are about our marriage" (p. 61).

Coping With These Demands

With this multitude of demands, how can couples cope with the variety of time demands they face and still find time to spend with their spouse?

• Communication is very important. Couples should not assume that their spouse will understand the reason they are not spending time with them. Talk about the reasons. Feelings about not being able to spend time together need to be shared. Even when it is impossible to change the circumstances, it helps to know why and understand how each partner feels.
• Schedule time to be together. For some, it may be necessary to pencil in "dates" with their spouse. Others may find it offensive to treat their marriage with such formality and wish to be more spontaneous, choosing instead to spend time together when the time is right. No matter which alternative is chosen, it is important for couples to spend time with their partner doing something that is enjoyable to them both.
• Establish marriage rituals—everyday activities that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. Examples of marriage rituals are a cup of tea after the children go to bed, a morning walk before the children get up, or a hug and a kiss upon returning from work.
• It may be helpful for couples to take time to purposefully look at the variety of commitments they have. They also need to look at what is truly important to them and spend their time on the things that are the most important.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to a request that takes time. When a person says "no" to one commitment, it means there is more time for something else.

For further information on this article
http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS02.html

Golden Nugget

When you invest time on some one, that person tends to want to invest their time with you.

You’re married to your best friend why not make them feel like that. Make your spouse feel special, cared for and admired. In return you will get the same.

Benefits of Couple Prayer (LDS Perspective)

Couples are blessed when they regularly pray together. While serving in the Quorum of the Twelve apostles, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley (1971) taught:

I know of no single practice that will have a more salutary effect upon your lives than the practice of kneeling together as you begin and close each day. Somehow the little storms that seem to afflict every marriage are dissipated when, kneeling before the Lord, you thank him for one another, in the presence of one another, and then together invoke his blessings upon your lives, your home, your loved ones, and your dreams.

God then will be your partner, and your daily conversations with him will bring peace into your hearts and a joy into your lives that can come from no other source. Your companionship will sweeten through the years; your love will strengthen. Your appreciation for one another will grow. (p. 72)

Couples facing challenges in their relationship may be reluctant to take their difficulties to the Lord together in prayer. Yet research shows that couples who pray are more inclined to have their feelings softened, and receive help in dealing with conflicts that emerge as part of being married together. President Thomas S. Monson (1988) recommends to married couples the counsel he and his wife Frances received from their temple sealer, Benjamin Bowring:

May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another. (p. 70)

Similar sentiments are echoed in the words of Elder David B. Haight (1984):

If, as husband and wife, you are having serious misunderstandings or if you feel some strain or tension building up in your marriage, you should humbly get on your knees together and ask God our Father, with a sincere heart and real intent, to lift the darkness that is over your relationship, that you may receive the needed light, see your errors, repent of your wrongs, forgive each other, and receive each unto yourselves as you did in the beginning. I solemnly assure you that God lives and will answer your humble pleas. (p. 14)

For more information about this article please visit the following web site

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefits_couple_prayer.aspx?&publication=lds

Remain Good Friends

Many people say that having a friendship with their spouse is an important goal of their marriage. Life usually becomes more complicated as marriage progresses. If a marital relationship is not built upon a solid foundation of friendship, it may become more difficult for partners to stay connected over time. It is also easy for spouses to become less polite and respectful to each other as time passes because they feel more comfortable with each other. However, spouses who remain good friends throughout life usually find much more enjoyment and satisfaction in their relationship.

There are many things spouses can do to keep their friendship alive

• Set aside a specific time each day to talk and reconnect. In some marriages, spouses stop confiding in each other and stop having stimulating discussions, only to later discover that they do not know each other very well anymore. All people change over time, and partners need to continue to learn about each other's thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
•  Another way to maintain friendship in marriage is to have weekly "dates." Dates allow spouses to spend time along together, which can be especially important if they have children. Partners can also build friendship by trying to avoid conflict during "couple times," making the time spent together more enjoyable and memorable.

For more information on this article go to the following web site

http://extension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6610.htm#characteristics

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

24 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

Marriage may not be as easy as you thought but, those who put effort into their marriage will be rewarded with longevity, satisfaction, and growth with the one you love.

Being the best partner possible is not always easy. At times it's not fair. At times it hurts; it can be lonely. It involves choosing to love your partner whether he or she deserves it or not. It involves continuing the initial vows you made when you began your marriage.

Here are little ways you can strengthen your marriage:

• Start each day with a kiss. Decide to begin the day with love.
• Wear your wedding ring at all times. Let it be a visual reminder of your commitment.
• Go on a date with your spouse once a week. Even if it's just for coffee, dedicate time for the two of you.
• Accept differences. Try to remember that once you thought your spouse's idiosyncrasies were cute. Your chances of changing them are slim, so decide to live with them.
• Be polite. Are you more polite to co-workers or store clerks than you are to the one you love? Practice good manners at home.
• Be gentle. Harsh words and actions have no place in your home. Choose to be kind to those you love and who love you.
• Give gifts. While diamonds are a girl's best friend, a card, a single rose, a favorite candy bar can also do the trick.
• Smile often. Put on a happy face and let it determine your disposition. Remember how meaningful the glances were which you once gave each other.
• Touch. A pat on the back or a soft caress of the cheek can show love and connection.
• Talk about dreams. Get your conversation beyond coordinating schedules and talking about the kids. Take time to talk about ideas and dreams.
• Give back rubs. Another day you'll be on the receiving end.
• Laugh together. Find something daily to share a laugh about. Life is complete with laughter.
• Do what your spouse wants before being asked. Anticipate your spouse's needs and jump right in to help. Put his or her needs before your own comfort.
• Listen. You don't have to solve problems, just be an active listener. Turn off the TV, put down the newspaper, and give your spouse your full attention.
• Encourage. The best way to give support is to encourage your spouse to do his or her best, to feel confident, or accomplish great things.
• Call your spouse. Check in with each other throughout the day - just to say Hi or I love you.
• Hold hands. Take a walk or watch TV while holding hands.
• Look your best. Comfort doesn't have to be socks and a T-shirt for bed every night.
• Apologize. Almost as good as I love you is I'm sorry, forgive me. Marriage isn't a game where you keep score. It's not important who's right.
• Ask, What can I do to make you happier? You may be surprised at how simple it is to please your spouse.
• Reminisce about your favorite times together. Talk about special times you shared, and create new times together.
• Pray for your spouse daily. Don't let a day go by without praying for your marriage, your spouse, and your family.
• Watch sunsets together. Find the beauty in life and share it.
• End each day with a hug. Decide to end the day with love.

To read more about this article go to the following web site
http://www.hbwm.com/MomsAssistant/24waysto.htm

Date Nights

This article was taken from; Ensign (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints publication), April 1991, 57 "Date Night--at Home," by Emily C. Orgill

We don’t have to go out or spend a lot of money to have fun and build memories.

My husband and I, with our two toddlers and small baby, lived in a university ward. Often, our leaders stressed the importance of weekly dates for Mom and Dad alone. As students on a limited budget, however, we couldn’t afford a date, not to mention a baby-sitter. We decided we would have to wait to apply the counsel when we could afford to do so.

One wise leader changed our minds. He convinced us that weekly dates are vital to a young couple’s marriage. Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relax and take a break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve of love. Filled with memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help them through difficult times of stress, disagreement, and trial.

My husband and I finally determined to follow this leader’s counsel, even though most of our dates would need to be the stay-at-home type. Alternating the responsibility of planning the dates, we scheduled these evenings on the calendar just as we would any important meeting. We tucked the kids into bed a little early on the night of our date, then began to build our reserve of love.

Check out my blog Ideas for Dates

Benefits of Couple Prayer

For more information about this article please visit the following web site
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefits_couple_prayer.aspx?&publication=short

Prayer can be defined as a two-way personal communication between an individual or couple and God. It is a vibrant, vital link with a Supreme Being that gives meaning to a person's life. Prayer allows individuals, couples, and families to come closer to God through healing. Prayer can be meditative (silent), colloquial (asking for abstract things like guidance or forgiveness), petitioner (asking for materialistic things), or ritual (memorized or read from a book). While it can be all of these things, it can also enrich the quality of marriage and family life. In fact, The Family: A Proclamation to the World (http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,FF.html) identifies prayer as an important element in successful marriages and families.

Recently, couple prayer has been the topic of increasing research. Many married couples who have relied on prayer in addressing marital problems report that using prayer within a marriage tends to increase their level of satisfaction within the marriage. Other couples report that prayer left a constant impression upon their thoughts and actions throughout the day, making their interaction more positive. Participation in religious activities, including prayer, decreases marital conflict, verbal aggression, and stalemate strategies when resolving conflicts.

Research is thus discovering what people of faith everywhere have known for some time: married couples receive strength from prayer. But how does prayer strengthen marriages? According to research, prayer has the following effects on marriage relationships:

• Couples draw closer to God. Once a person understands his or her relationship with God, prayer becomes natural. Many people view God as a loving figure who is there to help them succeed. He is often seen as a source of help and answers. Due to this relationship, people trust in Him and allow Him to enter their marriage. Thus, He becomes an integral part of their marriage. When this relationship is established, couples are able to see themselves, and each other, in a different light. God is their divine standard. Through prayer, they can gauge their behavior to see if they are acting like Him.

• Angry feelings are softened. As couples draw nearer to God and decide to pray, feelings are softened. Many spouses report they don't want to pray when they are angry because anger is not compatible with God's desires. In fact, they often claim it is impossible to pray while holding onto bad feelings. Prayer, or the decision to pray, has a calming effect. It soothes emotions and helps angry partners treat their spouse differently.

• Relationships are remembered. Something interesting happens when couples pray. They start to forget about their own feelings and start to think more about the other person. People usually think of themselves when fighting because they want to be heard. Prayer, however, helps them remember their relationship as a couple. Once those angry feelings are softened, a person can begin to understand his or her spouse. This happens because they stop focusing on what their spouse needs to change and start thinking about how they can change. Fewer stalemate strategies are used, and they no longer insist on being right. Instead, they want what is best for the relationship. The more often you pray, the more likely you are to treat others like you would like to be treated.

• Instructions are received. When couples use prayer to solve conflict they do not receive complete answers. Instead, they experience step-by-step coaching that tells them what to say or do to improve their situation. Thus, they receive the necessary help, but the problem is not removed. Rather than making everything better, prayer leaves the couple with the responsibility to create their own solution.

• Health benefits follow. Some studies have shown that prayer, and prayer offered in others' behalf, helps people relax, increases their brain activity, and improves heartbeat rate. In short, prayer promotes health. Some studies show that those who have received prayers in their behalf recovered faster when compared to others who didn't receive such help.

To take advantage of the many benefits of couple prayer, couples are wise to make praying together a daily tradition. At the beginning and close of each day, kneel together in prayer to God, thanking Him for your marriage and each other, and asking Him to pour down His blessings on your union. In addition to the witness of research, many couples testify to the effect heartfelt prayer can have in making their marriages heavenly.

Written by Andrew S. Brimhall, Graduate Research Assistant. Edited by Mark Butler, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy, and Stephen F. Duncan, Ph.D., Professor of Family Life, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

How do you know if you have a happy marriage?

My husband and I were married July 19, 2009. We love each other dearly and are always trying to make our marriage great for each other. So we enrolled in a marriage class January 2009. The class uses LDS curriculm. There are a number of married couples that have also joined the class. We all have joined the class for various reasons. Our purpose was that we are newly webs and we wanted to be the best husband and wife to each other that we can be. The class is lead by a wonderful older missionary couple. They have been married for 50 years. They have had a good marriage and you can tell by the way they talk during class and out of class.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the class and one of the participants asked a very profound question. How do you know if you have a happy marriage?

I found a very good article that addresses this question that was put out by Missouri University. What follows is an excerpt from the article. Below the article is the link to the entire article.

Characteristics of Happy and Satisfying Marriages

Positivity

There are many ways to foster positivity in a marriage. Being affectionate, truly listening to each other, taking joy in each other's achievements and being playful are just a few examples of positive interactions that help make marriages successful.

Empathy

Husbands and wives are more content in their relationships when they perceive that their spouses truly understand their thoughts and feelings.

Commitment

When two people are truly dedicated to making their marriage work, despite the unavoidable challenges and obstacles that come, they are much more likely to have a relationship that lasts….when spouses are committed to investing in their marriage and are willing to sacrifice some of their own preferences for the good of the relationship, they usually have high-quality marriages.

Acceptance

When people feel that their spouses truly accept them for who they are, they are usually more secure and confident in their relationships.

Love and respect

It is vital that husbands and wives continue to cultivate love and respect for each other throughout their lives. If they do, it is highly likely that their relationships will remain happy and satisfying.

For more information on this article go to the following web site

http://extension.missouri.edu/explore/hesguide/humanrel/gh6610.htm#characteristics