Finding Time

In his book, Take Back Your Marriage, Dr. William J. Doherty states that "many of us, especially when we are raising children and have busy jobs, live our marriages with a chronic sense of deficit about the time we spend together as a couple," and that "competitors for our daily time are far more assertive than we are about our marriage" (p. 61).

Coping With These Demands

With this multitude of demands, how can couples cope with the variety of time demands they face and still find time to spend with their spouse?

• Communication is very important. Couples should not assume that their spouse will understand the reason they are not spending time with them. Talk about the reasons. Feelings about not being able to spend time together need to be shared. Even when it is impossible to change the circumstances, it helps to know why and understand how each partner feels.
• Schedule time to be together. For some, it may be necessary to pencil in "dates" with their spouse. Others may find it offensive to treat their marriage with such formality and wish to be more spontaneous, choosing instead to spend time together when the time is right. No matter which alternative is chosen, it is important for couples to spend time with their partner doing something that is enjoyable to them both.
• Establish marriage rituals—everyday activities that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. Examples of marriage rituals are a cup of tea after the children go to bed, a morning walk before the children get up, or a hug and a kiss upon returning from work.
• It may be helpful for couples to take time to purposefully look at the variety of commitments they have. They also need to look at what is truly important to them and spend their time on the things that are the most important.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to a request that takes time. When a person says "no" to one commitment, it means there is more time for something else.

For further information on this article
http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS02.html