Dating

Don't forget to continue to date your spouse after you are married. Go to my blog for different ideas for dates.

How is your Account?

How you talk to your partner, and how he or she talks to you, reveals a lot about your relationship. Positive comments help to keep relationships alive while negative comments spell trouble.

The more negative comments between partners in a relationship, the greater the threat to the relationship. Gottman uses the analogy of banking and finances. He views any positive comment between partners as a deposit in the bank and any negative comment as a withdrawal. Positive comments help to build your funds and provide security. Ongoing negative comments create a constant draw on your account. No relationship can continue very long on deficit financing.

To read the entire article go to the following link: http://www.upperbay.org/building_strong_relationships.htm

Equal Partnership

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
“Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have” (“I Believe,” Ensign, Aug. 1992, 6).

What are some things husbands and wives do when they value each other as equal partners?
Here are some ways;

a. They share responsibility for ensuring that the family prays together, conducts family home evening, and studies the scriptures together.

b. They work together in planning how family finances are used.

c. They consult together and come to agreement on household rules and how to discipline children. The children see that their parents are unified in such decisions.

d. They plan family activities together.

e. They both help with housekeeping responsibilities.

f. They attend church together.

Elder Richard G. Scott:
“In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. … For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74).

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://tinyurl.com/cv82hn

Serve: Give back to your community

Lesson 6

When our gardens are productive, it’s good to share the fruits of our labor with others. Just as you might share your tomatoes and zucchini with neighbors or gather a bouquet to cheer up a friend, so too should you work as a couple to contribute to your community. Our marriages are strengthened by serving one another and those around us. Sharing our time and resources can make our world blossom.

Workbook 6

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

"37 Easy Ways to Say 'I Love You'

1. Make their lunch to take to work.
2. Leave a note on their pillow with a sweet message.
3. Take on one of their household chores for a week and don’t even mention it.
4. Give them a footrub. (If their feet are funky, soak a towel in water, microwave it to heat it up, and use it to rub them tootsies. Wonderful for them, less gross for you.)
5. Pick up their favorite indulgence at the grocery store. (Mmmm… bacon…)
6. Wear a nice outfit just for them.
7. Light a candle at dinnertime.
8. Automatically choose a movie your partner would enjoy for a night.
9. Make their coffee in the morning.
10. Leave a post-it note on their steering wheel.
11. Sincerely compliment your partner the next time you have a nice thought about them.
12. Put together a mini photo album or slideshow of pictures of you together.
13. Put on a favorite song and share a dance. It’s amazing how much closer that 3 or 4 minutes can bring you.
14. Turn down their side of the bed.
15. Offer a hand massage.
16. Tell a friend how much you love your partner.
17. Try their hobby for a day. (Fore!)
18. Gentlemen, open her car door. Ladies, open their door from the inside.
19. Make “I love you” the last words you say to each other before drifting off.
20. Put on their favorite cologne or perfume even if you’re just sitting around the house together.
21. Hold their hand during a movie.
22. Let them tell you about their day and their dreams, and really listen.
23. Make a “Songs That Remind Me of You” playlist on their mp3 player.
24. Towel off their hair after a shower.
25. Feed them the first bite of dinner.
26. Have a chilled glass of wine waiting at the end of a long day.
27. IM just to say “hi” on your lunch break.
28. Tell a joke and make your partner laugh.
29. Put more covers back on their side.
30. Ask their opinion.
31. Ask questions before jumping to conclusions.
32. Trust their judgement.
33. Send a handwritten love note in the mail.
34. Arrange for your partner to have a night out with their best friend.
35. Keep their secrets.
36. Call when you’re going to be late.
37. Fix the toilet that won’t stop running. (Wait, maybe that’s just me…)

Remember that loving someone isn’t just a feeling, it’s a series of actions. What other ways do you show love to the folks in your life?

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.onsimplicity.net/2009/03/37-easy-ways-to-say-i-love-you/

Advice from happily married wives

I read an article the other day, "The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got" Nine women spill the secret words of wisdom that keep their relationship blissful.

#1. Polite Fight

"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

#2. Fit to a Tee

"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

#3. Tabletop Trick

"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

#4. Boob-Tube Brilliance

"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

#5. Pop the Question

"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

#6. Nix the Nit-Picking

"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

#7. Space Smarts

"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

#8. Agree to Disagree

"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

#9. Comic Relief

"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

To read the entire article please go to the following link
http://tinyurl.com/d8hu3a

Solve: Turn differences into blessings.

Lesson 5

We may have very different visions for our shared gardens. One gardener may favor colorful flowers, while the other insists on tomatoes and peas. These differences may not simply disappear with a calm discussion. Each partnership will have unresolvable differences. If we choose to stay calm, listen attentively, understand our partner’s view, and use creativity, it is possible to turn difference into strengths.

Workbook 5

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Understand: Cultivate compassion for your partner

Lesson 4

Gardening can be both rewarding and challenging. At times each of us will get sunburned, poked by thorns, and bitten by bugs. During these difficult and painful times, we can be gardening partners who compassionately respond to each other’s pains rather than scold our partner for not using sunscreen or being more careful. We can be gardeners in whose gentle hands our partners heal and grow strong.

Workbook 4

To read this entire article go to the following link http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

• President James E. Faust of the First Presidency taught: “Many covenants are indispensable to happiness here and hereafter. Among the most important are the marriage covenants made between husband and wife. From these covenants flow the greatest joys of life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 19; or Ensign, May 1998, 17).

• Elder Boyd K. Packer said that “romance, love, marriage, and parenthood” are “the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 28; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 21).

• Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expressed: “The sweet companionship of eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has granted to His children. Certainly, the many years I have shared with my beautiful companion have brought me the deepest joys of my life. From the beginning of time, marital companionship of husband and wife has been fundamental to our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness. Our lives are touched for good, and we are both edified and ennobled as we savor the sweet blessings of association with dear members of the family” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 42; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 32).

• In his first address to the general Church membership as President of the Church, President Gordon B. Hinckley said: “To my beloved wife of fifty-eight years later this month, I express appreciation. … How grateful I am for this precious woman who has walked at my side through sunshine and storm. We do not stand as tall as we once did. But there has been no shrinkage in our love one for another” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 93; or Ensign, May 1995, 70).

Nurture: Do the work of loving.

Lesson 3

Marriage can grow from a handful of seeds to a garden filled with colorful, radiant life. But this won’t happen by accident. It will require careful attention to the well-being of the plants. We may need to increase the light of encouragement, the fertilizer of time spent together, and the water of kindness. We needs to weed our destructive thoughts and actions while encouraging healthy growth. Steady investments in the relationship will assure a bountiful harvest.

Workbook 3

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Love, Like Rain

Recently I read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. In the book Mitch Albom writes about love;

"Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking love. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to it's roots, keeping itself alive."

Grow: Expand Your Strengths

Lesson Two

The health of the garden is rooted in the health of the individual gardeners. If we do not nurture our personal strengths and abilities – or if we fail to manage our personal weaknesses – we will not be well prepared to take on our gardening tasks. The most successful gardeners know that they must invest time in reflection, learning and improvement. They then have more strengths to bring to the garden and to their gardening partnerships.

Workbook 2

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm

Family Life The Marriage Garden--Lesson One

Lesson One

Cultivating a good marriage is like two people growing a healthy garden. To achieve a full and satisfying harvest, the gardeners must work in harmony with one another, using the right tools, gardening wisdom, and a willing spirit. The gardening process teaches us vital – and sometimes painful – lessons about life. The struggle is worth it: both good marriages and healthy gardens can enrich and delight us. But neither happens by chance. Let’s break ground!

Commit: Make and honor promises.
We start our gardens with great visions and bold enthusiasm. But, weeds, bad weather, pests, and distractions threaten our hopes and dreams. It takes more than initial enthusiasm to get from a vision of possibilities to a healthy reality. It takes steady commitment and effort. If we are unwilling to deal with problems and differences, we will never enjoy a bountiful harvest. Each of us can commit regular time and energy to caring for our garden.

Workbook 1


To read the entire article go to the following site
http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/marriage/default.htm